everyday revolutions

i am fast approaching my 2-year-blogging birthday.  as anyone who visits this site knows, i have had somewhat of a tumultuous relationship with it…on occasions writing bountifully, yet at other moments taking off all previous content, changing blogging hosts, etc.  what’s a blogger to do when she does not have the luxury of tearing out pieces of her written work, crumpling them up into little balls, and using said balls to improve her pick-up basketball skills?

part of my issue with blogging has to do with the complex navigation between the public and private spheres, both of which tend to converge (and sometimes messily so) in our lovely, voyeuristic, digitalinternetiphonebloggingtwitterfacecrack universe.  there are two consequences of this messy convergence to the blogger.  first there is the issue of the content of individual blog posts.  i am not speaking of self-censorship or the withholding of utterly personal details. however, there are differences in what are public ruminations and private ones.  and while the exact differences between the two are far beyond the scope of what i’d wanted to write this evening, they do exist (for instance, one must consider purpose and audience in the case of the former) and my considerations for them stall the writing.

then there’s the complication of what the blog in general is. i was introduced to this medium at the angsty age of 13.  it was understood to be and “online journal”: a public place to store your private thoughts. in late high school/early college, the blog became a virtual stage upon which the drama of my (let’s face it: dramatic) friends unfolded.  blog posts aired out everyone’s dirty laundry. mud was slung via comments. it was nasty, brutish, and sure as hell wasn’t short; verbosity ruled that leviathan.   then i had that stint at an internet company, during which time i became acquainted with the marketing/promoting aspect of blogs. since then, i have become acquainted with the innumerable brilliant and creative ways people have used blogs, and became further inspired. each of these different uses have had their own gravitational pulls on my thoughts and perceptions toward blogging.  distractions, while wonderful in life, are destructive to my craft.

let’s get straight to the point: writing is hard. with blogging there is the pressure to be timely, consistent, and exposed to intense scrutiny.  plus you’re not paid.  but here’s the thing: i ain’t getting younger. and like the many women my age being overrun by the tick-tock of that infamous clock, i too find myself obsessed with this fact: i am a woman, of a certain age, and not yet published. and without a “substantial” body of written work. whereas for others the message is PROCREATE, my biological clock screams WRITE. maybe it’s not entirely biology, but it might as well be.

i haven’t found a way to establish good writing rituals and to integrate my writing practice into my life, but blogging might be a start.  and here’s why: in the past week i’ve had a handful of readers inquire about the fate of this blog (the old entries will resurface at some point.)  i was humbled, to be sure, that so many people–not necessarily my family or best friends–could engage with me and my experiences in such a special way.  the blog is in many ways placeless, yet it transports my readers to the places i have been.  in turn, i have been transported to the places they are in…the actual places of my known readers and the places i imagine my unknown readers to occupy. additionally, having a community to support my work is critical for both keeping myself motivated and accountable.  a virtual writing workshop without the drawback of having to sit in horrendous traffic to meet with the group (as was the case with the last writing workshop i was part of).

thank you for reading, for your comments, public and private.  consider this entry my hitting the “refresh” button, and embarking on a new phase of regular, intense, thoughtful blogging.